its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
