I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
