It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
