So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
