I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
