According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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