I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
