I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
