It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
