I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
