I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
