I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
