the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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