who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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