Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
