just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
