Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize