just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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