he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
