Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
