It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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