a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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