I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
