Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize