That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
