The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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