How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
