what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
