my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
