you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
