somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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