My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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