Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
