whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
