ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize