so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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