I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize