the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
