Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize