I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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