dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
