Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
