k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
