oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
