I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
