Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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