Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
