I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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