I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
