I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize