the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
