Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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