It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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