I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
