The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
