Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
