New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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