Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
