Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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