you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
