sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize