My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The power of my boobs compel you
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
