i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
my god I love twenty year old dicks
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
