I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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