Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
