glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
