May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
