so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
