Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
