I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
