CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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