Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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