He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
