I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
