he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
