I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
