That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
