Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize