I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
