I want to make a zoo with you.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
smell my finger.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
