Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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