i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize