We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
