hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
