Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
People in love make me want to vomit
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
