im gay
i know
yea but for you.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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