we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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