i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
