I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
