how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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