he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
