im drinking this country out of the recession.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
