haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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