i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
