And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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