yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
