My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
